Ghosts of Companions Past
by Child of Galifrey
Summary: Throughout his regenerations the Doctor has had many companions who all - at some point got left behind. He believes he changed their lives for the better - but did he? And maybe, just maybe there was 1 companion he shouldn't have locked out...
1. Horror Movie

**Horror Movie**

**Okay, so I got this idea from watching a trailer of **_**Ghosts of Girlfriends past. **_**When suddenly *ping* Light-bulb! Aw darn. *flicks broken bulb* It was working earlier. Ignore me. Too many E numbers. ANYWAY, it got me thinking - of all the companions the Doctor has had does he regret not letting them into his life as much as he could have? Read on to find out. **

**PS. This is set after the Xmas Invasion. Rose has seen the Doctor regenerate - but he decided that life aboard the TARDIS was too dangerous for her. And to tell the truth was a little more than freaked about the Bad Wolf thing. So after saving Earth from the Sycorax, left alone. But still travelled with Martha and Donna afterwards. Misses the whole Doctor Donna Children of Earth thing in this reality - sorry!**

The Doctor walked round the console, half expecting to see Martha's eager glances or Donna's sceptical once-over. Nothing. Alone. Again. _The curse of the Time Lords. __**But you didn't have to be alone **_Said another less rational voice in his head _**You could have had Rose. But you pushed her away like all the others. **_

"I didn't push them!" argued the Doctor aloud, to the empty console room. "They wanted to leave"

_**Some of them **_the voice agreed _**But what about the ones you pushed away? **_

he snapped back. " I showed them a better life. They came away better, stronger people from their time with me! Your being ridiculous."

"No I'm not" laughed a light, female voice from the other side of the room.

_What the- _"Susan!?"

For sure enough, across the room, stood his granddaughter, not looking a day over 15.

"Hello Grandfather"

"But your-" he couldn't bring himself to say it.

"I know." she smiled a little sadly. "I'm hear as a - well I was going to say introduction but warning sounds more appropriate"

"For what?"

"Tonight - you will be visited by 3 ghosts. Past, Present & Future. To show you how your Companions really turned out from their time with you."

"Including you"

"No. I volunteered to come see you actually. Now, _I _never got to say thank you. For my time with you" she smiled. "Thank you grandfather"

"Your…" he turned to face her once more "gone"

"Is my life destined to be one long horror movie or what?"


	2. Speculation

**Speculation **

After his unexpected visit in the console room, the Doctor had felt the TARDIS to be a truly humungous place, empty and echoing with no more talking , no more laughing, _no more drunken play fights with Jack, or the occasional lazy day watching telly with- _**snap outta it!** he had commanded himself before he could think the name. It's better that I'm alone. No-one can get hurt. The Doctor left the console room abruptly lest he be haunted by more personal ghosts. 3 was quite enough to be going along with.

"Ghosts?" mused the Doctor aloud. "Never had much patience with ghosts. Pale, repetitive things. And that moaning they do…" the Doctor had left the console room and taken the unusually brisk walk to his room. The TARDIS obviously wanted him to get there quicker than normal. _Weird. _Shrugging, the Doctor sat down cross legged on his double bed in the dimly lighted room. Waiting. "Besides" he said to no-one in particular "I don't think there's much cop in ghosts to be honest. Usually some idiot in a sheet. I dunno-" he rubbed his earlobe with his thumb as he always did when he speculated

" Human energy trapped in a split second. That's all they are. See, " he was again addressing thin air "It's _emotional _energy. Humans are capable of a million emotions but the most powerful of all is grief. A pain so deep that they're systems just can't cope. Overflow. And time moves so quickly that sometimes that energy gets trapped in a certain place or certain time and grows, _manifesting _itself into a projection of the being who felt that loss. Just atoms in the air." he paused, reflectively.

"oh, I am, am I?" came a voice. The Doctor's head snapped round to his bedroom door. It was still closed. But standing there, clear as day was a woman. She had soft brown hair and big chocolate eyes, set in a ice cream coloured reflection.

She wore denim bell bottoms, a tied-die t-shirt and brown crocheted waistcoat. Strings of multicoloured beads hung round her neck a tiny pair of rose coloured granny glasses hung from a golden chain and a vibrant purple wool beanie pulled down over her head - flattening her hair and hiding her ears.

"Who the hell are you?!"

"Oh that's nice."

"Sorry - the Doctor coughed, clearing his throat "What are you doing in my room?"

The woman walked closer - or , perhaps it would be more accurate to say, _grooved _swinging her hips and nodding her head to imaginary music "I am the ghost of Companions Past."

"I don't remember any of my companions wearing _that_"

"Oh but you wouldn't. She smiled, dreamily "I'm merely the physical representation of all your past companions. A hundred different personalities " she gestured at her rainbow tie-die "blended into 1 being"

"What's your name?"

"Iris. As in the greek goddess of the rainbow." she preened.

"I am going to take you through your past companions and show you the mistakes you made with them." she reached for his hand.

The Doctor's jaw dropped "_All of them?"_

"No! Silly!" she giggled "Just the ones from your ninth and tenth incarnations.

"But- that's crossing my own timeline - that's not allowed " he stuttered.

"Golly your dumb. They won't be able to see you. Anyway Doctor, you explained it before. Human emotions - make powerful memories. _This place alone is full of them_. But being your companion means those poor girls went through a powerful emotional roller coaster. Half the time they lived on adrenaline alone. Poor things. Remember to feed the next one a bit better, eh?" she chided. "Everywhere you would go there are moments. Emotional ones. Ghosts. Let's go. " and without another word she pulled him of the bed and into another country known as the Past.


	3. The Distant Rose

**The Distant Rose**

_Well, _thought the Doctor _I wasn't expecting this. Actually, I don't think I expected anything. I like not knowing- keeps me on my toes._

Having just left his room - he was surprised to find himself standing beside Iris in the console room, hidden in the shadows. And they weren't alone. On the other side of the room there he stood. Dressed in those slacks, that jacket and a new jumper. Look at that daft ol' face. Rose stood a little across from him. That adorable look she got when she was confused on her face.

"Why are we here? When was this?"

"Sssh. Keep your voice down." Iris insisted.

"I thought you said they couldn't hear me?"

"They can't. But _I _can. I'm trying to listen"

He fell silent and listened alongside her. Well judging from the fact that it was his ninth self and Rose still had long hair - this had to be a long time ago. _A happier one.._

"You know - there's not much point in this if your not going to listen and see what you did wrong" came Iris' melodic voice, sharp with annoyance.

"Sorry." he apologised and truly tried to focus.

"So…Adam seems to be taking it very well." came the Doctor's sarky tone

"Oi! Just because he's got his head down the pan don't mean he's a coward."

"You weren't sick on your first go"

"He's probably got Motion sickness" quipped Rose, defensively.

"Anyway, there's something else you ment to ask?" Queried the Doctor. "I know that face"

"What face? " Rose decided to cut to the chase "Doctor - what did - the Dalek"

The Doctor watched his face cloud over "Yeah?" came the terse reply. He turned away - checking another panel. _Wow. Not often you get to see the back of your head. I wasn't that bald!_

He felt something sharp in his side "We've already discussed this " warned Iris "Listen will ya!"

He nodded. Then it hit him - if this was after the Dalek, and Adam was onboard _I think I know which conversation we're having!"_

"It said you loved me? Do you? Love - me I mean"

The old Doctor turned to face her again. The new one watched anxiously. _Don't say it…_

He saw himself hesitating "Love - you" he breathed out quickly. "Sure"

Rose's eyes lit up she was just about to say it…

"As a friend. That's you Rose Tyler. My best friend" _He said it. Idiot. _

The glimmer died. She forced a smile "Yep. Best mates" she breathed out. "I'll go check on Adam" she left and walked straight through the Doctor as she passed.

The Doctor shuddered but his eyes remained on the lone figure. Muttering a little.

"I don't believe I said that"

Iris held up her index finger and twirled it round, a little frustrated. Rose reappeared walking backward taking her place opposite the Doctor like a actor rehearsing a play "Love you - as a friend"

"Okay. I get it"

"See? You had the perfect chance to tell her and blew it"

"Yeah."

"Still think you didn't hurt her?"

The figures faded. To be replaced by the same characters in a different position. The Doctor looked pained.

"Stay away!" he ordered at a terrified Rose. And then.. The golden light, the smile, the slimness.

"Now there is 1 good looking guy"

"Shut up. This is serious."

"How?" And then he saw Rose's face "Who are you?" He watched the scene unfold in silence "I wasn't that bad." he saw Iris' face "Was I?"

"You changed every single cell in your body, looked different, talked different and you expected her to be okay with that?" she asked, incredulous.

"This is Rose we're talk-"

"Yeah. Scared Frightened. Suffering memory loss. And the 1 man she trusts with her life …disappears" scolded Iris. "You've no idea what that does to a person!"

"Alright. I shoulda talked to her more bout it but the others felt "

"The exact same! They were older - better at hiding emotion. Not" she waggled her finger and tapped her toes in accordance to the silent beat "as young as her."

He watched as he pranced about the console, singing and laughing as the TARDIS shuddered and jerked violently. Rose, he noted, was curled up on the floor - hugging a pillar for support but - her expression was now one of utter loss - like she was holding onto the TARDIS because it was the only familiar thing left. Unconsciously he moved toward her to sit beside her and give her a hug - but his arm no substance. He couldn't hold her. He closed his eyes and breathed out. When he opened them again - Rose was gone. The TARDIS was gone.

Wait, Rose wasn't gone. She stood leaning against a wall talking to Mickey. _Where were they now? _Thought the Doctor. _This looks likes Jackie's flat_. _When is this?_

That's when he saw himself, his current self asleep in a bed – in Jackie's flat. "I look a bit peaky"

"You've just regenerated, dumbo"

"Oh."

"The real Doctor, the proper Doctor, he'd wake up. He'd save us."

"What? But she knows it's me! We already had this conversation in the TARDIS!"

"Oh be fair" Iris commented defensively "She was exhausted. She nearly burned to death! She's bound to be in denial a little "

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

"Lordy, for a Time Lord your kinda stupid. I'm a collective representation of every companion, _remember?_"

"So can empathise with Rose?"

"Hun, I am part Rose"

But - I thought she knew me better than that?"

"What was it Martha Jones said? "You never say". You told her more than you ever told Rose. You never told Rose of Galifrey."

"I was going to " argued the Doctor "I just" he realised "never made the time"

"She was my best friend. She loved me?"

"So much. " came Iris' heartfelt reply.

"And I left her. It's a funny old life in the TARDIS. Her mum wanted her did I. It's dangerous. She knew that."

"She didn't care."

"She wasn't sure."

"No… You weren't"

"Can we go now?" he whined, his eyes on Rose's heartbroken face. It was the same face from when he'd told her goodbye. _No there was 1experience he definitely didn't want to revisit._ Once more, Iris took his hand and pulled him through the open bedroom door.

**Hi everyone! I just want to say thank you for your reviews etc. There was more dialogue than I was expecting. But I love having Iris and the Doctor sparring off each other. Well, 1 down 2 to go! The Doctor's past with Rose is over. Guess whose next. Present + Future also to come x**


	4. Voice of a Nightingale

Voice of a Nightingale

"See?" asked Iris, gesturing to the long dark haired doctor staring up at a tall skinny bloke in blue pinstrips. "_This _is where you went wrong"

"What do you mean? I just met her. "

"That's my point." They watched as the Doctor sped off down the corridor, before turning round "And 5...4...3...2..1" and kissed Martha.

"There you go."

"What? Run of the mill genetic transfer. Nothing to get your tie-dye in a twist."

Iris glared. "How was she menna know what that was?"

"I – I told her. No idea why she started fancying me"

"Like hell you don't" snorted Iris. She walked brusquely into a hospital room. "What's in here? Urrgh, looks like Mr. Simmons has a bowel problem – that smell! ... Okay" he pointed, looking at Iris in confusion who was watching him reproachfully

"That's no Mr. Simmons." In the silence that followed he heard himself say "Rose'd know" cringing he turned to see Martha roll over huffily. _Way ta go _he criticised himself.

"That was a one off " he said in way of explanation.

Iris stepped forward and took his hand. He instantly saw Martha's face as his voice rumbled like thunder in the background "Rose'd know" reverberating round his cranium as Martha's face flashed behind his eyelids ranging in expressions , sad, disappointed, angry, distant.

"Well, I'm here and _she's _not" Iris's melodious voice broke the echo. "That's what she always thought inside her head"

"Each time"

"_Every _time"

_Ouch. _Iris nodded, her head bobbing up in time, eyelids closed, swaying on the balls of her feet.

"Why are you doing that?"

"You realise that was rude?"

"_Really?_ I was going for mild disinterest."

"The Song of the Universe"

"Sorry?"

"You gotta stop saying that. The Music of the Spheres. That's what I'm dancing too."

"You can hear it? I thought you were just my companions..."

Now came something he wasn't expecting... her voice reverberated and he could hear them. All of them, Rose and Martha, Donna and Jack. Mickey, Jackie...

"We could all hear it. Each in a different way but yeah..." she scuffed her shoe on the rush matting "we heard it".

"It's almost time."

"For what?"

"For me to go. Just 1 Companion's past left."

She took his hand. "Peace offering", they left the dimly lit room re entering the TARDIS. And the Doctor saw something that brought a smile to his face.

"I'll see you around mister" Martha laughed.

"Sure will" The Doctor said, forgetting Iris.

"We're late." She reminded him, with a prod in the ribs. "God your skinny!"

_Who does that remind me of? _He thought "For what?" he asked aloud.

"The Wedding", their surroundings began to fade

"I'm rubbish at weddings"

"Especially your own" came Iris' voice, echoing in the darkness. And before the Doctor's eyes, a scene began to take shape. But it, at this present moment, the figure that was most clear. A figure all in white.

**There you go! Martha done! Big tick! Sorry it's take so long but EXAMS! Sorry for the short chapter. But I didn't really like Martha. TENROSE! A figure all in white? Who **_**on earth **_**could that be? Do you know? Cos I have no idea...**


	5. A Noble Girl About Town

A Noble Girl About Town

**Hello Everyone! I've had a few things asking for an update soon so here it is! Sorry, it's taken so long but you know EXAMS! I had a bit of trouble coming up with a name for this chapter. I was surprised that no one guessed who the figure in white was correctly. Thought it obvious. Ah well. PS. The title is also the name of a theme on the soundtrack!**

The Doctor blinked as the scene around him blurred into existence. The console room again. And there he was. Wandering round the console, flicking the odd switch. When, all of a sudden...there she was.

Hidden in the shadows, the Doctor, watching with Iris, groaned. "We've talked about this" she warned.

"But...ohhh" he moaned as he heard himself exclaim "What?" then she turned round.

"What the hell is this place?" she shouted.

"Classic Donna" he muttered "Ouch!" he turned, quizzically to Iris, who had thumped him on the back. _Hard. _

"What was that for?" he asked, enraged.

"Lack of tact" stated the ghost. Seeing his face, she expanded "Oh, be fair, her wedding day, best day of a woman's life and what did you do – pulled into this madhouse!"

At the exact same moment – both Doctors answered,"I haven't done anything!" the elder of the two reflected on that momentarily. "Weird"

Weirder still, although he didn't dare to mention it aloud, he had noticed that Iris seemed to embody the personality of the companion they were observing. With Rose, she had been sympathetic, gentle, for Martha, understanding yet, with a bitter undertone and now, with Donna she struck him as boisterous. _Struck is an understatement_ thought the Doctor wriggling his shoulder blades.

"You claim to love humans – they fascinate you – but you can't really understand them can you?"

"That's _why _they fascinate me."

"_That's _stupid"

"No, _this _is stupid. I was trying to help her and she blamed me!"

"Who else was she gunna blame? Santa?"

"Yes! He was trying to kidnap her!"

"Moving swiftly on" she said abruptly, pulling the Doctor to his feet, but instead of moving just twirled him, senselessly in a circle. Her hands in the small of his back until he fell to the ground,

"I think I'm gunna be sick!" the Doctor retched

"Not on these shoes you're not!" Iris informed him, as she stepped back, moving her heavy brown leather knee high boots ( covered by the Bell bottoms) out of the way.

"Where are we now?" moaned the Doctor pitifully. He glanced up to see that they were standing...on nothing. On...air. And they were moving, floating along as a dramatic scene unfolded on the motorway before them. "Are we safe?" he yelped.

"Totally...pretty much... erm, remember to lift your feet if a car drives past, okay?" directed Iris absentmindedly , swaying, as if in the breeze. "Pay attention!" she pointed, nearly taking his eye out.

The conversation filtered through – Donna was in a cab whilst the TARDIS floated, perhaps more the more appropriate word would be hovered, as there was nothing graceful about this flight, a foot or so away.

"Jump! Trust me and jump!"

The next words sent a chill down his spine "Is that what you said to her? Your friend? Did she trust you?"

"Yes she did. Now _jump!"_ And Donna, wedding dress and all sailed into his arms and the TARDIS doors slammed shut.

"The point of that was?"

"You need to gain people's trust more effectively. _And _you need to talk about past companions"

"That's none of your business!" he growled.

"It helps with the trust issue. You tell them something personal and it shows that others trusted you before and so should the present companion" she said in that coaxing tone of Donna's, that the Doctor knew all too well.

"Donna always knew how to get round me"

"No. Donna always knew how to save you-from yourself"

She glided over to where he hovered and spun him once again, except this time, a montage flashed in front of his eyes, Donna, often with a heartbroken expression on her face, pleading.

One instance particularly, struck a chord with him.

"You can't just _leave them!" _she yelled in outage

"Don't you think I've done enough?" came back the Doctor's own bitter anger. "History's back in place and everyone _dies"_

"You've got to go back! Doctor I'm ordering you take this thing _back!" _she spoke softly now, pleading "It's not fair. "

Both Doctors spoke "No, it's not." _Nothing's fair anymore _

"But your own planet, it burned." _Thanks for the reminder_

"That's just it. Don't you see, Donna? Can't you understand? If I could go back and save them, then I would, but I can't!" he shouted, his Time Lord wrath boiling over the composed mask "I can _never_ go back. I can't. I just can't. I can't. " the present Doctor shook his head in silent rage

"Just someone. Please." She was begging now, tears coursed down her cheeks unashamedly  
"Not the whole town. Just save someone" The Doctor gaped, taking in this scene anew.

"See?" asked Iris, rhetorically "She _did _save you. She stopped you at your most callous. D'you know in a parallel universe if she hadn't been there when you drowned the Racnoss, _you would have died. _Now close that mouth or you'll catch flies.

The Doctor's mouth, if it were possible, dropped even lower.

**Okay, so I lied. I realised I still have to do Captain Jack Harkness (stop it!) so **_**he's **_**next and **_**then **_**( and only then) does the Doctor get 5 minutes to himself before another blooming ghost shows him and drags him out to the Present. See I'm on my hols at the mo so I can write at leisure. Also, I guess I should have made it clearer but the woman in white - she was - well - DONNA. And after Jack it will be the present- goodbye to Iris!**

**I love writing her - and I love writing this - and I mean this from the heart ( and by the way count those) thanks for you encouraging reviews. When I started this I didn't think it would tickle anybody's fancy but youhave provedme wrong! I do try to update ASAP but I need inspiration ( where have those Muses got to?) **

**Child of Galifrey xx**


	6. Captain JacSTOP IT!

**Captain Jac-STOP IT!**

**Hey everyone! Sorry it's been ages! The moment is here!****Yes it's time. You all now who I'm talking about. So...Let's get this show on the road! **_**Oh God**_**!**

The Doctor sighed. Then yawned. _A stretch would go far amiss either_.

"Where are we?" asked the Doctor wearily.

"Can't ya guess Doc?" Iris grinned. Just then, he heard the words he cursed with an eloquent amount of inhuman passion every time he heard them.

"Hey there. Name's Captain Jac-"

"STOP IT!" roared the Doctor, turning to see a beaming Jack shaking his old self's hand.

"Oh God. Please. Anything but this. _Anything_"

"Sorry Doc, but Jack was a companion of your too" Iris looked Jack up and down before licking her lips and flicking her hair.

"Hang on- aren't you part Jack then?"

"You betcha"

"I always _knew _he fancied himself" he turned back to her "Let's get this over with"

"Y'know, poor Jack, he always tried so hard after he met you. He knew the ole charm didn't work with ya. You really shook his confidence. He strived to gain your trust, did he ever manage it?"

"Once. On the game station, he stayed to fight. He worked out that Rose was still alive. I still owe him for that"

"And to repay him, you left him and I quote" and here, she voiced Jack exactly, same voice same tone, same accusation in the eyes "ankle deep in Dalek dust and he goes off without me"

"My gut told me-"

"Like heck! Your instincts told you it was wrong. Your head backed it up and off you ran!"

She grasped his hand more firmly than usual, her manicured nails digging into his flesh. And the scene dissolved – Jack was by the TARDIS console, having a laugh with the old Doctor, Rose with Mickey watching appalled.

"Buy me a drink first"

"Your such hard work" For the 1st time, he heard Jack's thoughts as clearly as if he had spoken them

_I wish. Oh just give me a time & place, Doc..._

"EW! Did _not _need to know. Urgh!" exclaimed the Doctor.

"What? You deserved to know"

"No –one deserves that" Iris glared, then hit him. "When he reached the 21st century, he reconstructed Torchwood in your honour, trying to run it the way you would. It _is _different. Okay – so his management style is different to yours but he's trying"

"Oh because shooting a blowfish through the head, without asking questions, without attempting a warning is trying."

Iris gaped. "You _know _about that?"

"That shut you up didn't it?" Whilst Iris regained her composure, the Doctor watched a blur of colour settle into a scene in front of them...

He cognised this place as the inside of Rose's TARDIS bedroom. She was sitting on her bed, whilst Jack sat beside her. Judging from his haircut this was the night he'd joined their crew.

"Rose, what exactly are you doing here? You and the Doc?"

"No! No – " here she sounded wistful "Sometimes I think, yeah maybe. The way he is with me, I mean I'm his best friend. He's told me that. Loads. But I mean – "

"Rose, don't beat about the bush. If you like the man go an' tell 'im! If I hadn't done that then I never would've met Donny."

"Donny?" she asked, distracted.

"Whatta guy he was. One of my executioners. Just about to boil me in acid, rip out my organs, one by one, feed em to the Flugnorgs and chop of my –"

"I don't think we need the details Jack!"

"Anyway, flirted in the last few minutes of my life, I mean you shoulda seen him - and whatta ya know – saves my life and I was on the next ship outta there"

"Hang on – how many times have you been put to death? And what for?"

Jack shrugged "I was out for a good time. A _very _good time. Anyway – like I said – _tell him." _

"I'll do it!"At this point Rose had stood up and he grabbed her hand, as if to steady her, giddy from her revelation. Jack gave her a kiss on the cheek, as if for good luck.

Rose turned, pulled him close and kissed him giddily on the lips, it was out of comfort, friendship, not lust. They both knew this. It was just the way things were.

And it was at this point that the Doctor walked in. And he didn't know this. Not by that face.

"Rose – oh sorry." He looked away and shut the door.

"You weren't supposed to see that" came a cold steely tone in his ear. Iris was looking straight ahead. Angry.

"Something's are private."

"You were the one who showed me-"

"You took my confusion to wish for a scene you wanted explained. There was your explanation. You got it wrong. That's why you abandoned Jack isn't it? And dumped Rose? You loved her – he was in your way – you got rid of them both. Pathetic." She spat the last word, in disgust.

"So much for gut instinct and protection eh?" The Doctor looked down, ashamed.

"Just, before I go, tell me your sorry" she sounded exasperated.

The Doctor, for what felt like the billionth time, spoke the words "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" And he meant it.

"Wait – your going, your leaving me?"

"That's right. But...Not really. We're your past Doctor, We'll never really leave you. We're in your heart. All of us."

The Doctor leant to kiss her forehead. Before everything dissolved...

He was back in his bedroom in the TARDIS. Alone. But then he remembered Iris' words. He smiled. "Thank you" he said aloud.

Alone.

_Not really._


	7. Here's Jacky!

**Here's Jacky!**

**Hello everyone! I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long but I've been – well busy life, busy life but I've written this which I originally started straight after I posted the last one but wasn't sure how to round things off when – EUREKA! *Light bulb*. And here we are and all that jazz. Enjoy. And also, in the present the Ghost will show the Doctor only 1 moment before moving on**

The Doctor looked around his room, breathing deeply. His room was just as he had left it, nothing had changed. _Everything's changed. Iris' has given me a thousand things to think over. Things to make right. Better get cracking._

"Oh no you don't. We're not finished yet. Not by a long shot" came a voice from the shadows of the room. Not soft and gentle as Iris' had been. This voice was quiet but harsh with an undertone of sadness .

"Who's there? What are you on about?"

"Susan told you that there were 3 ghosts. I am the second ghost. My name is Eleadora... it means Gift." She stepped forward. This girl was the exact opposite of Iris. Where Iris had been vibrant, colourful and cheerful, Eleadora was more reserved wearing white Converse trainers, black skinny jeans and a dark blue hoodie. Her dark red hair was tied in a chic bun, and her green eyes looked dark, sad and weary against the ivory tone of her skin. Where Iris had been delicate but sturdy this girl was so fragile, so breakable and yet she seemed to...glow, her pale skin emanated a warm light; she looked the kind of girl the Doctor would naturally gravitate towards, who _anyone _would gravitate towards.

What she said next shocked him back to reality "Well?" she asked impatiently. "Are you coming or what? We're on a tight schedule." She walked over to his in built wardrobe door and opened it. It looked dark and uninviting. A cold draft was emanating from it. The light wasn't on. _S'not working. Gunna have to fix that._

"It's not your wardrobe."

"So it's Narnia?" She clicked her tongue and he hurried through, this was one ghost he did not want to peeve off.

"Ah" he commented, as the heavy rain smacked him the face "Just Wales then"

Then the realisation hit him. Eleadora was the present. They were in Wales. Cardiff. Dropping to his knees the Doctor wheeled to face her. "_No" _ For the first time, Eleadora smiled – it lit up her face, she smiled beatifically down at him, enjoying this. "Oh _yes_" she pulled him up and began to walk towards the tower "Iris ended with Jack so I thought it would be...poetic for me to start with him."

"I'll give you poetic" grumbled the Doctor as he trudged after her, hands in pockets, head down against the elements.

Really he wasn't that bothered about seeing Jack again , to be honest when he'd blown up at Jack in 2007 about working there – he was curious, he'd been dying to wander in and see if it really had 'changed'. He was just worried about the reception he would get if he did.

The pavement blurred beneath them and the Doctor stumbled a little dizzily, now finding himself, inside what must be the Hub. _Oh. It's a bit-_

"Whatta ya think?" came a voice – Jack's voice. The Doctor spun in panic but could only see Eleadora grinning at him. "I think I hate the fact that you can do that"

"Really though. Jack was desperate to do things your way – in your honour and he's made some definite changes – but added his own twist"

_Not exactly my way then is it? _He thought but said aloud "Well Torchwood One was definitely more elegant, unlike you. What was wrong with stepping through a door – why did I need to see the outside first?"

"Doctor." she smiled wryly, like he should know the answer "Everything that happens to you tonight is for your own good. Everything else...is merely for our own amusement."

That explained why she'd had a good laugh when he'd realised outside.

"Of Course"

"Anyway" she gestured forward at a scene unfolding before them. They were in a tourist office – _Definitely the public sector..._

"Will you shut up?" Remembering his earlier resolution vis a vis not upsetting certain ethereal beings the Doctor focused on what was going on in front of him. There was a group of people, standing facing off against another young man who looked traumatised but spoke calmly

"I'm going back in to save her. Anybody tries to stop me, I'll shoot them."

"Ianto put the gun down." The black haired woman _Gwyneth? _said

And the one at the front, the one holding the Wembley pistol, well it _would _be Jack"You make a threat like that, you better be prepared to follow it through. See? You disobey me now, I really will shoot you."

"Get off me."

"You want to go back in there? You go in to finish the job. If she's still alive, you execute her." The Doctor's jaw dropped - this wasn't the Jack he remembered, the Jack he'd travelled with, fought with – the Jack who'd saved the world.

"That's what he's doing now. Saving the world in your absence."

"From? I mean really what requires that level of...hardness, that level of violence, what creature have I ever reacted like that to- besides the obvious?" he amended thinking of the deranged golden pepper pots.

"Cybermen. Or woman, as the case may be"

"No way." He gaped at the using the same words as the young man pinned to the doorframe.

"You brought this down on us. You hid her. You hid yourself from us. Now it's time for you to stand as part of a team."

"Like you hide yourself from your companions. You taught him that. You draw them into your world, show them how beautiful it can be and offered them the chance to see it but you didn't tell them anything. Even after months you were...a complete stranger" the Doctor choked up _Rose_. The young Rose, the 19 year old girl from the day the world had died. "You lie to us. "

"No I don't!"

"You don't always tell us the truth"

"If I always told you the truth, I wouldn't need you to trust me."

"Just because that worked for Amy doesn't mean it'll work for the rest of us"

The Doctor paused, confused..."Whose Amy?"

"Oh erm...**never mind**" Eleadora blushed embarrassedly and looked forwards once again.

The scene continued as normal, as if they'd been muted or paused like on television and the Doctor simply hadn't noticed. This seemed to be a subtle signal from Eleadora that the conversation was over.

"Jack."

"The girl you loved has gone. Your loyalty is to us now."

"You can't order me to do that."

"You execute her; to I'll execute you both." The Doctor couldn't help but gape again and witnessing this scene, the Doctor knew that, this scene would pray on his mind for as long as he lived.

And forever is along time when you're alone.

"I won't do it. You can't make me. You like to think you're a hero, but you're the biggest monster of all."

Eleadora broke the tense silence the scene had cast over them "And you made him that."

"What?"

"You're the one who made Jack that way. All of us are this way because of you."

"Jack was a dishonest conman when I met him – even he said – _Iris _said that he became more honourable, more honest, after his time with me!"

"My sister – my sister is a bright button isn't she? She's the past version of your companions – the bright colourful rainbow of memories that was there past. And me? I'm the jaded, faded, cynical, rain washed chalk drawing on a well worn pavement that is their present. Or hadn't you figured that out yet?"

And the colours began to fade...


	8. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

**Hello everyone! I hope you read this before Christmas day. So that I can say firstly: **

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!**

**And also I do realise that the Dr Who Xmas Special is A Christmas Carol. I have known for a while and am really excited as the Doctor says 'I am the Ghost of Xmas Past' which kinda fits with my story ! **

**Second, I am annoyed by this as I was planning to have a version of the Doctor being the Ghost of Xmas Future! I will be doing this and wanted you to know so that you won't think 'Oh she just ripped that off the Xmas episode' cos I haven't. And your all so lovely you wouldn't say that anyway. **

**I had this idea ages ago ( it has now been tweaked ) but I just thought it would be quite cool to have the Doctor as a Ghost in the story.**

**Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. **

**Merry Xmas to all and Enjoy the Dr Who special! **

**Child of Galifrey x**


	9. The DoctorDonna

**The DoctorDonna. **

**I am so so sorry I have not updated since well...Christmas! But you know what it's like, there's more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done – no, hold on, that's the Lion King. But the point still stands - I've been busy! Hope you like this!**

"Where are we now?" asked the Doctor, wearily, trailing behind Eleadora reluctantly as the world reshaped itself around them. After her little outburst in Cardiff, the Doctor was even less willing to see what she had in store for him. "Work it out" she said irritably, slowing her pace, but still refusing to look at him "_Notice everything." _She stopped "that's what you always tell us to do." _Fine, _the Doctor sighed, _just trying to make conversation. _From the looks of things, they were in a sunny, well populated suburb, definitely sometime past 2000 A.D judging from the type of houses, the quality of the tarmac, the car registrations and models parked outside, the air quality, close to a major city, judging from the proximity of the road and the noise of the traffic, off what was probably a motorway, as well as the vibrations of the metro system under the ground, and the taste of the pollution on his tongue, though the air wasn't as heavy as it could be, fresher somehow, so that meant lots of trees somewhere, like a park or more likely a common and a river. "Chiswick."

"Got there eventually" Eleadora clicked her tongue, but he could tell she was impressed from his silent _and speedy _deduction. "Well done" she congratulated him, warmly. The Doctor thought for a second, puzzled, before asking "Who do I know from Chiswick?"

Eleadora looked like she could quite happily hit him "Come off it Spaceman!"

_Oh. There's my answer right there. Donna. _"Did you never ask her where she lived?" the outraged red headed ghost, who the Doctor had only 10 minutes previously made a mental note never to upset asked incredulously.

"Course I did! Once."

"And you promptly forgot it. Do you know any addresses? Thought not. Makes us easier to forget that way doesn't it? I mean, you don't have an address, nothing. Nothing domestic. God forbid. Though I bet you can recite Rose's address off by hearts, can you?" she asked with rhetoric bitterness, which sounded more Martha than Donna. The Doctor had just been about to point this out when he remembered his previous proviso, and kept his trap shut. Besides, she seemed so...so sad. Surprisingly, it was Eleadora who apologised. "Sorry. The others will go mental if they find out that _I'm _the one having a go at you"

Before the Doctor had a chance to ask who 'the others' were, though, if he thought about it, it probably included Iris, her sister had marched up the street and down a particular house's garden path, hair glinting like copper in the sunlight.

"Here we are." The Doctor felt sick when he put his hand on the doorknob at thought of seeing Donna. Not his Donna; not the shining, compassionate, brilliant Donna, who songs were sung about throughout the universe still, who had done all those fantastic things, had saved the universe, saved him, in one spectacular moment. The most important woman in the entire universe. His best mate. She was never coming back.

"Doctor, Doctor what is it?" He could tell it was Eleadora looking worriedly back at him, concern in those beautifully intense eyes of hers, but he could hear Donna's voice. Donna's voice, her words when they were underground in the belly of Adipose Industries, _"What is it Doctor? __**What do you need?"**_ in that wonderfully calm logical voice of hers whenever he had panicked. It tore at his heartstrings.

"I can't do this"

"What? **Yes**, yes you can. You're always the one to tell us we can do anything. Everything. You show us a better life and it brings out the better in us, turns us into the person we want to be, the person you see when you look at us. If Rose can stare down the Dalek Emperor, if Martha can travel the ravaged Earth telling your story while her family are tortured, if Donna can save the entire universe and sacrifice every memory of what she did with you, a whole other life, **you can do this.**" She was gripping his hands strongly, "**We believe in you.** "

And just like with Iris before, in her words he could hear all of their voices echoing. With Eleadora's warm hands in his, he remembered running down various streets with Rose, Martha and Donna, hand in hand, laughing all the way. It made him realise how much he missed the feel of their warm hands, that strange yet simple connection of trust, of faith, that they had allowed him to guide them through strange and scary and just fantastic things because they knew he would never let go.

He smiled, wistfully and took a deep breath. Eleadora suddenly dropped his hands and move away, her expression unreadable. That was when he noticed that her hand was on the doorknob. "You can do this" she repeated. A tiny smile grew on her lips, "besides, you've got no choice"

She opened the door and the Doctor, his confidence renewed, walked through it, head held high, Eleadora's hand in his once more.

The sight that met his eyes was of a typical home in chaos. Toys littered the hallway's wooden floor presenting visitors with an obstacle course to navigate, Disney songs blasted from the living room, where a pretty curly red-headed girl in pigtails and a stripy pinafore about 6 years of age played with her Barbie dolls on a spotty rug. Eleadora silently picked her way past the living room to the kitchen, but the Doctor became interested in this little giggler on the floor. Meandering towards her, he heard Eleadora hiss "_Oi! Get back here! This is a guided tour! Emphasis on the __**guided**__!"_

"Whose this?" he asked intrigued, bending down on his haunches to get a good look at this sunny child. "Who are you then, eh?" he asked her, before remembering she couldn't see him, let alone hear him. _And yet_... he could swear she'd turned her head in his direction. Just a fraction.

"Jenny, Sweetheart, here's some juice." Eleadora made the exasperated palms up gesture that said well-that- answers- that -then, emerald eyes glaring. The Doctor wasn't looking at her though. His head had snapped round to the direction of the voice. By the kitchen door stood Donna Temple Noble, beaming at _her daughter. _He looked back and forth from Donna to Jenny, who, he unconciously noted was looking right at him now. Of course. Where had his head _been _the last 5 minutes? The resemblance was obvious in any case. "John" she called "JOHN!" the Doctor grinned to hear the classic Donna bellow he had missed so much as a bouncy 4 year old came scrambling down the stairs.

"Notice anything about her children's names?" asked Eleadora interestedly from her position in the doorway .

"John and Jenny?" Eleadora gave him a look that clearly instructed him to think about it...when it hit him. How many times had called himself John Smith? And Donna had named his daughter when he'd been forced to give a tissue sample, none other than Jenny. Despite what he had done to her, some details had bled through to Donna's consciousness.

He looked at Donna's face, trying to read her expression – she looked motherly, happy, loved – everything he wanted for his best mate, but in a way, it wasn't her, he reminded himself. When he looked into her eyes that playful spark was dim. "But it's still there." Eleadora reminded him softly "It's still her."

"She's happy?" the Doctor asked, his voice half-strangled

"Blissfully. She's got everything that she could ever want. Except her memories. Except the life in the TARDIS that was all she ever wanted till her dying day." Eleadora's voice became sad and bitter with these words.

"I can't." he informed her, tears in his eyes. "I can't...I can't." he looked at little Jenny, the very spit of her mother, who he could see, even now, was going to be just like his Donna when she grew up.

"Please. Isn't there anything? Even...even if it's just in her subconcious, even if she's only got a voice through me – _**please, **__please____bring her back. _Let her be herself again." she pleaded desperately.

"Remember, DoctorDonna Friends?"

"It would kill her. There's nothing I can do. When the DoctorDonna was created, I knew what would happen but I couldn't stop it because it already had. That should never have existed. There's never been a TimeLord-Human Metacrisis..."

"Because there can't be" cried Donna's voice, and he remembered that look when he took her memories and felt his hearts break all over again.

"Exactly. Don't you think if I could I would? In a heartbeat. But Donna got 'the best part' of me. My mind. You lot have always heard me say that my head's too full of stuff. That I need a bigger head. Because it is. Tons of information is going through my head right now. I can see all that was, all that is, all that ever could be. All the time. You are part of Rose, you can remember what she said when she absorbed the Time Vortex, and _no-one's meant to do that. _Nobody's ever done that. What was it she said about her head? Go on, say it, say it the way she said it, because you know how much I love having to relive this!" he ordered her aggressively.

"_It's killing me_" Eleadora was crying properly now.

"Me too. Giving Donna back her memories would destroy her and that's happened too many times to the people I love. At least she's alive, even if it has to be like this. Would you prefer me to take away this little girl's mother? Destroy another family? Because that could happen. It's a possibility. Past, Present and Future, remember? I have my own ghosts without you, Iris and whoever else is forcing their way in!"

"You admit that Martha was right then?" she asked, brushing away the tears.

"What?"

Eleadora walked away from the happy scene of Donna tickling her children towards the back door, which promptly swung open. The Doctor got up and joined her, casting one last wistful glance at the ignorantly happy family.

"When you and Donna met up with Martha to deal with the Sontarans and ATMOS, d'you know what Martha told Donna? Thought not. She told Donna how the Master tortured her family. She said you were wonderful and brilliant."

The Doctor's chest puffed out with pride, smiling cheekily.

"Said you were like fire..."

The Doctor had the grace to look confused, sure he had heard the description once before. Something that boy had said to him, while he was human, back during the War - Timothy Latimer...

"Stand too close and people get burned." her red hair, fallen loose from it's bun seemed to crackle as it licked like flames down her back as she turned away after these words to walk into the space between spaces.

The Doctor observed the woman who had been his perfect companion, saving not only his friends, the universe but most surprisingly, himself. Once upon a time...

Before he walked, resignedly, _deservingly, _he thought out of her existence altogether.


	10. Smith and Jones

**Smith and Jones**

**Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update this. Not only have I had exams and finishing school but I always find Martha extremely hard to write. Ergo I don't feel like this chapter is up to my usual standard but that of course, is up to my lovely, fantastic, brilliant readers! Please do review as it is extremely encouraging :)**

The Doctor brushed the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, keeping his head down so that Eleadora, striding in front of him, fiery ringlets bouncing, would not see. Unfortunately, he was taller than she was. So that when she turned her head to check that he trailed after her still, she did see.

"Oh, Doctor"

"I'm fine, really"

"But that's just it" she said, her voice suddenly coming from somewhere beside his elbow. "Your not. And that's what this is all about. That's why we're here."

She took his hand gently and he looked down in confusion, at how perfectly it fit. Holding a hand again reminded him once again of all those he had lost. Each and everyone of them. _But still_, he reminded himself, looking down at Eleadora's pretty pale face, warmed by her reassuring smile, _at least I had them, for however brief a time._

"Better?" she asked. He nodded and they squeezed each others fingers tightly for a second. "After all, don't you think it's better to have a few days of something wonderful, then just be okay your whole life?" He looked down at her quizzically, wondering how she had known. "It's something Amy - one of us - will say one day." she smiled again.

"You're right" he confirmed, taking a deep breath.

"Come on." she gestured, pointing at the next portal.

The next thing the Doctor knew was grey. An overwhelming sense of solitude, solemness seemed to emanate from the very atmosphere. It was suffocating. He cast around, searching, begging for a drop of colour, some brightness in this sullen landscape. It was misty, which probably wasn't helping his first impression, misty grey, muted damp green and the promise of mud. Cement coloured buildings, neatly laid out roads and designated walkways, the whole place screamed army base. All of a sudden it was blatantly obvious why they were here.

"Martha" he said quietly, his voice filled with regret, almost as if he was calling her. Ironically enough, the lady in question rounded the corner. He didn't start towards her to hug her or apologise as he wished to, he knew it was pointless. He settled instead for scrutinising every detail of her, trying to tell if she was as happy as she deserved to be. Of all his companions, of all his friends, he qualified, Martha was the one he had disappointed the most. The person he had let down the furthest, all except one other – that girl, the one who was more than a friend, or a companion, he carefully kept from his thoughts as best he could. As best anyone can keep their thoughts from the person they never stop thinking about. The girl who kept him fighting.

_No_, he chastised himself, right here, right now, in the present, he needed to focus on Martha, the way he never truly had when he'd known her. She was so different, her dark hair longer, braided back off her strong face, though he was pleased to see that she wore her rings, which sparkled when compared with the rest of her simple, practical black attire. The shock of the difference in her, her lack of flamboyant style which he had always admired, was thankfully less than when she had summoned him to UNIT to deal with ATMOS, Luke Rattican and the Sontarans. Then, as now, he was overjoyed that she could smile, at him, hug him with the fond joy of reunion. Not like after the Master and the Year That Never Was. That hadn't made her strong, not the way she was now. It had made her hard. It had broken her.

"You once said that we break your heart. _Hearts_." Eleadora spoke up after the silence she had allowed him to observe his old friend, correcting herself, "But did you ever think, just once, that you break ours?"

"I know. God, I know. I-"

"Turned her into a soldier" he started as Donna's appalled whisper came back to haunt him. Literally.

"That's the thing Doctor" Eleadora continued as they followed Martha, who it seemed was making her final round before clocking off for the day, around the barracks. "You go off on your adventures, you led this happy go lucky life, leaving a trail of destruction in your wake, without a backward glance, without a thought for those left behind" Eleadora said this with a grave bitterness, acknowledging unflinchingly his shocked hurt at this old insult freshly inflicted by the embodiment of his loved ones. But her eyes, and the gentle pressure of her hand still clinging to his, told him, by that simple connection , in no uncertain terms, that she didn't want to hurt him. But it needed to be said. They had earned that right.

"And the thing you have to remember about those you leave behind...it does makes them hard. But Iris was right, you were right. You make us better. You teach us to stand up. To say 'no', to do the right thing when everyone else just runs away." It took him a second to consciously realise that it was Rose's voice addressing him, though judging by the tears pricking his eyes, he'd known all along. Eleadora's own eyes were unusually bright as well but she continued, steady, resilient, as Martha had always so brilliantly been "And, God help her, Martha Jones-Smith will protect you until her dying day. They both will"

"I kno- wait...what?"

The Doctor had been so absorbed in Eleadora he hadn't noticed that as Martha reached the gates, a man stood waiting to greet her. They embraced warmly and headed off towards a familiar looking SUV.

"Mickey the Idiot!"

"Defender of Earth. Mr. Jones"

"_No!_" The Doctor gasped in tender surprise. Eleadora laughed "Yeah", and the Doctor was blown away once again at the animation the transformation brought to her features.

"8 Months tomorrow." she confirmed. "They found each other through you. After all, who could Mickey talk to it about? Rose wouldn't even mention you after you left her in her old life with no explanation. And Martha? She loved Tom, but he couldn't remember the experiences of The Year That Never Was. She kept almost referencing the things she'd done with you, the things she'd seen in that year she travelled the world but of course he wouldn't have known. "

"UNIT's not exactly my way of doing things. Nor is Torchwood"

Eleadora nudged him in the ribs at that last point, but didn't launch into Jack's reformation of the Institute. She knew the Doctor. It wasn't Jack he had the problem with. Well, not as such. More the methods.

"They're freelance. Or at least, they're planning to be. Martha's finished with UNIT today. A fresh start, for both of them, where they know they come first" The Doctor's head twitched towards her with the emphasis she put on the words 'they know they come first'. And then it hit him as it had when Martha had left him; Martha and the 'Tin Dog' had run after Rose and the Doctor, silently loving them and getting ignored for their pains. Eleadora was right. They were right. They deserved to be with people who loved them and didn't constantly have their thoughts on someone else. Someone absent.

The scene before them dissolved, and repainted itself as a cosy London apartment, filled with gadgets, some of which were definitely alien in origin and medical related items; a _House_ mug a phrenology head, Grey's anatomy as well as diagrams of Sontaran and Hath biology on the coffee table and a chemistry set with vials of what the Doctor recognised as anti-plastic in the test tube rack on a bookshelf.

"Coffee, love?" came Mickey's voice from the kitchen making the Doctor jump in the empty living room.

"Sure" Martha called back as she entered into view, carrying her laptop "But only if you actually wash the mug and I don't mean rinse, I mean _wash_." she chided good-humouredly "I'm just using your laptop"

The Doctor heard the gentle thud of a mug as it hit the bottom of the washing-up bowl "Don't read my e-mails!" Mickey shouted with a note of panic in his voice. A grin spread across Martha's features.

Just then, and despite her impassive expression, the way she focused on the domestic moment before them, the Doctor was sure that the fact that he could hear Martha's words to him inside his head was Eleadora's doing. _"I always told her, I always said to her, time and time again, 'Get yourself out!' So this is me, getting out."_

"Martha...and Mickey both got themselves out. Saved themselves. That's one of the many things you've taught us Doctor, to be so self reliant. We've found that it's a funny, old life, in the TARDIS and after it. But they found that they could carry on here on Earth doing what we always did. Together." she gave a little smile.

The Doctor realised then what she'd been trying to show him by making him watch Martha and Mickey's domestic bliss. It wasn't to make him feel guilty. It was to show him that his companions, his friends, _had _changed for the better after spending time with him. And that they could move on in their lives, pick themselves up after, he forced himself to admit it, after he'd dropped them. _Look at these two_ he thought_, look at Donna. The one adventure I can never have. _

He took in their smiles gladly. He knew they had suffered. Because of him. But they had found love and a new lease on life too. The joy in their eyes at their domesticity was because, he knew, they knew now how rare it was, how precious. They had lived with him on adrenalin, had come so close to death.

"You help us to ensure that we celebrate life. In every way. The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world, or a relationship... Everything has its time. And everything ends."

His hearts jolted at Sarah Jane's words. His Sarah Jane. His Martha, his Mickey. Eleadora's warm fingers interlaced with his again, her green eyes startlingly vivid as 'You'll see them again mister" she reminded him as the happy couple began to be replaced by someone else, the next in a long line...


End file.
